#it reminds me of people talking about how they would kill themself if they had severe tinnitus...

[hometownrockstar]

geez... i listened to all of everywhere at the end of time today (4 years late whatever) that was hard... i have lots and lots of thoughts and feelings about it, but i guess what i wanna talk about right now is what the general reception of it was and is like. cause i'd never seen anything have as unanimous of an opinion and connection to a piece of media like this, and its really really good how it helped so many people understand their family and loved ones with dementia as well as got people talking about it and being more open to it

but it makes me feel weird when theres comments saying "this was such a horrifying experience that dementia is probably worse than death, you're just a corpse without any personhood anymore, my grandparent who died was not the same as the one before they developed dementia" i think thats a really cruel way of thinking about someone suffering from dementia because youre not talking about your own fears and sympathizing with their pain, you're dehumanizing someone who's suffering and who is still there no matter what. i think its antithetical to the meaning of the album, where leyland kirby wanted to portray it as respectfully as possible.

[obbystars]

Drown in the Deep

Synopsis: Drown your sorrows away into the deep dark ocean where it can’t be found. Feel its cold embrace and let the water in. Maybe then, you’ll see him again when you no longer feel anything.

CONTENT WARNING: The reader very much intends to die/get themself killed, detailing how they’d love to drown in the abyss.

Notes: Sebastian Solace x GN!Reader / Spoilers for Sebastian’s backstory / Possibly OOC / Established relationship, can be interpreted as either married or not but they are living together / Angst (Hurt w/ eventual comfort) / Death + blood (not the reader despite the synopsis and content warning) / Not really a happy ending honestly

(This is VERY self-indulgent I love hate Sebastian. Also a bit of experimentation and playing around with his character. I’m not so good on romance stuff, so I hope what’s here is to your liking. Also rewrote some parts A LOT due to idea change/read up on lore and realized things didn’t add up here. I think I’ve got most of it covered though. Anyway I love how a few runs of playing Pressure for the first time, I died to A-60 HAHAAAAA kill me.)

Credits: Dividers by @cafekitsune

A chance to be freed from your criminal record, and a reward worth to last for a very, very long time. As they always say, “High risk, high reward,” and the risks were certainly high. You could very much die. It was a chance anyone crazy enough would take.

But you didn’t sign up for this for the reward. You didn’t care about it in the slightest. To you, this would be an easy way out. An escape from this dreadful life fate had decided for you. So here you are, sitting in a submarine with three others in silence. There’s no telling on how deep you’re going, they never bothered to tell you how exactly far it was nor the possible dangers you’ll be facing. You’ll welcome anything if it means you won’t wake up again.

Still, you wondered why things went the way it did. Everything was fine until your partner was framed for a murder he didn’t commit. Nine murders, to be exact. You were there for the trial. You saw and heard everything. You kept your cool throughout all of it. You were hoping, praying to whatever god is out there to show them he was innocent. None of it mattered in the end.

After the trial, you went straight home, not even bothering to listen to your family who was also there. By the time you entered your shared home and locked the door behind you, you stood in silence for a while. You didn’t know what you were feeling at that very moment. You felt hot tears beginning to swell up, and your vision beginning to blur. Your legs eventually give out and you fell to your knees. You muffled your sobs with your hand as you curled up on the floor.

You couldn’t get yourself to calm down for a while. You don’t even know how long you were laying there once you feel your tears dry up and the sound of your heart beating rapidly leaves your ears. You don’t know what to do.

He was imprisoned and sentenced for execution for the nine murders you know he didn’t cause, but that didn’t matter. You weren’t there when it supposedly happened. You couldn’t prove anything. You were powerless to do anything.

Many early mornings were spent struggling to even leave the house, let alone the bed itself if you even managed to drag yourself to bed. You were too exhausted to even try for most. When you did manage to begin your day, you quickly became aware that everything is so much more irritating. People talking to you, certain noises you hear, how your food tastes… You just wanted to go back home and waste away.

As for majority of your nights, they have been spent just curled up in bed and crying until you eventually exhausted yourself. Gripping anything that resembled or had traces left of him and holding it close, hoping just the mere fleeting scent of him lulls you to sleep. Feeling the cold and empty space beside you and being reminded he’s gone, as if the reminders from your family weren’t already enough.

You know your family has been trying to contact you, sometimes even coming to the house, but you’ve ignored them every time. You don’t want to see them. You don’t want to talk, to hear, or to even think about them. You just wanted to be left alone.

A few years had gone by since then but you didn’t feel any better than before. You weren’t sure if you felt worse. Maybe it was because you felt numb nowadays.

Before you knew it, you soon find yourself behind bars. What you did, you don’t know. If you really did it, you didn’t care. You don’t know how long your sentence is, but you don’t care. You don’t know if whatever you did caused any deaths, but you don’t care. You don’t care anymore. You just wanted to drown in your despair, and this… “job offer” seemed promising. Retrieve a crystal deep inside a facility hidden in the deepest parts of the ocean.

To be so deep underwater to where the sun does not shine, to drift endlessly as water fills your lungs and it becomes so unbearably cold. To where you can’t feel anything anymore, not your body nor your emotions. To just feel the cold water and see nothing but darkness as the water pulls your body to wherever it so desires. Perhaps your remains could become the next meal for whatever lurks in the ocean’s abyss. Your body would never be found. You’d be gone without a trace.

So you signed up, knowing they don’t expect you to return. You don’t either. You don’t plan on getting that crystal, and you don’t plan on returning alive.

The shotgun shell directed at your neck on the diving gear given to you seemed promising as well.

If there is an afterlife, maybe you can see him again there. That sounded nice. You just wish you weren’t sent down with three other people. You never thought it’d be so hard to die in a place where risks of death were incredibly high. Perhaps it was because they wanted to use each other to get the reward for themselves, so they kept each other alive as long as possible. Covering each other’s eyes when the shark was outside the window, turning off another’s flashlight when an odd black figure appeared in the dark, saving each other from the creature inside the lockers… They weren’t going to let such easy bait be killed so easily, not this early.

Still, you strayed close behind as they often checked if you were still there. You kept your head low, until you heard another pair of footsteps from behind you.

Strange… The other three are already in front of you… And they’re just looking through drawers for anything useful.

The footsteps are getting louder and faster. You turned around just in time to see a strangely humanoid, armless figure running at you. It yelped the moment you locked eyes on it, immediately turning tail and running away.

“What the hell was that?!” One of the other expendables exclaimed.

Both of you walked back into the previous room to see where it possibly came from. There was a hole in the wall, shaped exactly like the creature they just saw.

“So they’re really in the walls, huh…” they then lightly punch your shoulder, “Hey, good job. I didn’t even hear it until it made that weird sound before it ran off,”

You say nothing.

“Come on, let’s keep going,”

You looked at them as they rejoined the others then back at the hole. You wished you didn’t turn around.

After a few more doors, the lights suddenly flickered. The one closest to you grabbed you and had you hide in a locker. Maybe they picked up on what you’ve been trying to do. You did willingly look into the eyes of the shark just outside the window, and they had to cover your eyes and drag you along with them. You also opened a locker that was already occupied by a strange creature coated in black and, what you assumed were, purple eyes. You hoped they’d leave you behind to be devoured by it, but you were pulled out and was patched up as best as they could do it. The damage wasn’t too severe, but still. There just had to be a spare medical kit in the room.

Maybe you weren’t being so discreet about it.

There were only three lockers in the room you were currently in and none in the room prior. They pressed on to the next door ahead. You were about to open your locker to step out into the path of the oncoming creature, but it zipped by you in an instant. It was much faster than what you’ve been dealing with.

You hear the others leave their locker followed with a quick flash of the flash beacon. You slowly step out of your locker and follow them into the next room to meet up with the other person. The one in front of you pulled out their flashlight, but ended up tripping over something. You stopped walking as they shine their light over what made them trip.

It was the one who ran ahead to find a spare locker. There was no blood or any signs of injury, but they weren’t moving and their eyes were still wide open. The other two tried to get them to respond, even shaking them, but they remained unresponsive. It was almost like they were just left an empty shell.

You restrain yourself from speaking as you would’ve called them an idiot for giving up a hiding spot in favor to make sure their bait stayed alive for a little longer, only to get killed in the process. Only 27 doors have been opened. Surely not all of you can survive much longer.

By the 35th door, one of them had used a code breacher to open a door without the keycard. Once the door slid open, a large creature with a smiling grey mask was seen on the other side of the door. Before they could react, it lunged towards them and instantly killed them on the spot before retracting their hand as it gets caught in the door while it was sliding shut. The blood splattered all over the floor and even reached you and the other expendable beside you.

By the 47th door, the lights flickered as you searched through a room off to the side. You can hear what you can describe as a distorted chorus faintly echoing down the hall, and soon a loud scream followed with multiple banging against a locker. The noise stopped as you walked to the door leading back to the path you’re supposed to take and you only see the aftermath. A fresh pool of blood and a destroyed locker. There was no body. The creature responsible is no where to be found.

You were alone now. Finally.

You kept your head low as you continued on, not bothering to search through the drawers for anything. Your body is starting to ache at this point. You opened the 50th door leading into a dimly lit corridor.

“Need to stock up?”

You looked up as you see the vent’s cover fall over. You turned around, then back towards the vent. You can see the next door ahead that requires a keycard, but you can’t find it from out here. You didn’t have a code breacher either as the others you were previously with had used them up.

“Come on, I won’t bite,” the strangely familiar voice beckons.

Had he not spoken twice, you would’ve thought you were hallucinating. Or maybe you are right now. A sort of “false hope,” so to speak. Not to mention how you can just barely recognize the voice. You’re having a hard time processing it after everything.

With no where else to turn, you walk to the vent and slowly crawl through. The room was dark, but lit up as you made it to the other side. You managed to get a good look at him, not exactly expecting some sort of fish-human hybrid.

“Ah, there you-” you see how his smile quickly disappears and his eyes widened once he sees you.

You only stare at him, tilting your head slightly to the side. He looked like he had just seen a ghost which wouldn’t be so far off considering what you had to witness for the past 49 doors, but why was he looking at you like that? He cautiously lowered himself down, close enough to your height but still far enough for some space.

You instinctively, though slightly, moved away as his hand moved closer to your face. That was until he finally spoke.

“[Name]..?”

You stepped back upon hearing your name leave his mouth. You narrow your eyes at him, “How do you…?”

Then it finally registered in your head. You’re not just hearing things, that voice was his.

Your eyes widened, now feeling his cold hand against your cheek, “S-Sebastian?“

“Yes…! Yes!” He nods, smiling widely, “It’s me!”

You couldn’t hold back your tears at all. The moment he confirmed it was really him was what finally broke down your walls. The last time you had cried this much was when he was to be executed. You had to hold onto his hand to keep yourself standing. He seemed to sense that as his third limb pulled you closer to him and held you in a tight embrace. You buried your face into his shoulder and sobbed until his grip on you got a bit too tight.

“W-Wait, Sebastian-!” You cried, “Let go!”

He gasps, immediately pulling away. You winced as you gently rubbed your arm. You looked up at Sebastian again and smiled.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you’re still alive. I have so many questions. Can I-?”

Sebastian stops you there, “Hang on. Before I get to answering your questions, I have one tiny question for you,” he suddenly towers over you as he yells, “How the hell did you get here?! And why the hell did you sign up for this?! Didn’t they tell you the risks? That you could very much die?”

You jumped at his sudden change in tone and almost fell back. His tail had went to cover the opening of the vent in case you ultimately decided to make a run for it. What do you even tell him? That you signed up just to die? No other reason. How could you tell him that?

“I-I… Well, yes, they did. I just- It’s because…” you don’t know what to say.

“Tell me the truth,” he demands. You swear you heard a hiss in his voice, “Of all people, why did you have to end up here?”

“I signed up for this because…” you paused, “Specifically because I wanted to die. I knew what I was getting myself into, Sebastian. They didn’t tell me anything specific,”

“Of course those idiots didn’t…” He scoffed, “They don’t expect you or the others to return,”

“I never planned to. I couldn’t care less about this so called crystal they told me I was supposed to retrieve,��� you looked away, “Honestly, I don’t even remember what I did to end up here… Maybe I did something that killed a few people, or maybe I was framed like you,”

Sebastian calmed down a little and had moved back as you spoke. He repositions himself so that his back was against the wall and his tail would nudge you towards him.

“You said you signed up with the intention to die here,” he then says, “Why?”

You sit beside him as his tail slightly curls around you, “You were sent for execution and confirmed to be dead. I just couldn’t live with the fact that I couldn’t see you,”

His looks at your bloodied clothes and noticed bandages through some of the holes in your uniform. He points to it, “Are those..?”

“It’s from this weird black tentacle creature in a locker. It’s nothing too serious, if that’s what you’re wondering,”

He muttered a name you didn’t quite catch and he quickly moves on, “And the blood?”

You shake your head, “It’s not mine,”

He lets out a sigh of relief at that. It was finally your turn to ask questions.

“Sebastian, how did you survive?”

“Was picked up by Urbanshade before I was supposed executed. Guess they decided it’d be better if I was officially declared dead,”

“And you became this during that time?”

“You could say that. It’s, uh… It’s a long story,”

He doesn’t want to discuss it and you knew that was the case. So, you didn’t question it further. You have a good feeling you may have an idea now that you noticed a document on the table. Whatever was in there might have the answers to most of your questions, but you’re not sure if you even want to read it if he lets you. The mere thought of what could be mentioned in there makes you sick.

There’s still one other that you desperately want an answer for.

“We’re… not leaving this place, are we?” You questioned, not looking at him, “At least, I’m probably not thanks to this diving gear… One shotgun shell pointed directly at my neck, and if I even try to take it off, tamper with it, or leave this place,”

You stopped there. Both of you knew. Sebastian didn’t say anything for a moment, “I can get both of us out of here. I just need more time,”

More time. How much more time before your body can no longer keep going? You want to believe him, you really do, but you really might actually die here.

How ironic. You came here because you wanted to die. You watched the others die before your very eyes without much of a reaction. All of a sudden, you feel your stomach drop.

You’re afraid to die.

[madwomansapologist]

i love everybody because i love you

Meet Kind!Druid!Tav | More Weirdos | AO3

synopsis: It doesn't matter what their first impressions of you were, they certainly did not expect you to be so important in their lifes. And as the days passes, each one of your companions need to understand a simple fact: they love you. They all love you.

warnings: a sequel to that (you don't need to read if you don't want to). song "strawberry blond". companions (lae'zel, halsin) x druid!tav. background cast (alfira, mirkon, scratch, owlbear, shadowheart, astarion, wyll, mizora, karlach, minthara). lae'zel love language is pressing a dagger against your throat. i accidentaly made her somewhat a stalker?? there is a high chance minthara doesn't sound like her because i killed her like two onversations in. if you discover which animated character is my biggest inspiration for this tav i will give you a reward.

In a harsh world, people are supossed to shield themselfs from even the possibility of danger. Is the only rational response to the ambiguity of chaos. What those who crave to survive must learn, what those who deserve to survive must do.

You get stronger, so you won't feel pain. Because to feel pain is to remind your soul that one day your body will perish. To get stronger is to forget about the eventual end. Is to get protected from death itself, even if as just a concept.

When not even death can catch you, you're free. When you have nothing to love, nothing to care about, you are free. That's real strength. To be invulnerable. To have nothing to lose, no one close enough to ever hurt you.

Lae'zel lost the count on how many times you bleed. How many times you fell. Burned, drowned, exhausted in pain. Arrows crossed your chest, swords cut your legs, calloused hands stopped you from breathing.

You're somewhat good at hiding it. How much things can hurt you. When someone disrespect one of your companions, when people blame you for their fates, when you did everything you could and it wasn't enough. It hurts you in a different, worst way. She can see it on your face.

Maybe you could've earned a good end, if the world worked in a different way. A peaceful life, one fit for those who don't aspire greatness. But Lae'zel knew it was only a matter of time until the tadpole took control. She felt it on herself. Saw it on you.

No one would save her, no one would save any of you, but perhaps Lae'zel could. It was an merciful act. To end you first. You failed as a leader, but you tried. Then she'll go to the others, knowing she's brave enough to kill herself after.

She thought you had surrendered yourself to her. That you had come to the same conclusion. A wise druid, after all. Then Lae'zel felt. The cold thread against the base of her neck. A dagger she didn't saw coming.

"Step back," you ordered, voice unaffected. Lae'zel never heard you like that before. She had a dagger against your throat, but you spoke as if you rule the entire world.

"Chk, you think that tiny blade of yours will stop me from free..."

"What I think doesn't matter, but what I know does." Your eyes burned her skin. "You're stronger, I'm faster. I propose you a bet. If you kill me, go on with your plan. If I kill you, that's it. I won't kill them. I won't kill myself. Even if I can, even if I must. You would've died for nothing, forever ignorant if it was the right thing to do."

Lae'zel saw you barefoot at the Emerald Grove, applauding Alfira as she sang. Crossing the river by jumping from stone to stone, talking to Mirkon as if he wasn't a kid but a dear friend. How many times did Lae'zel found a bed shaped of you on the grass right next to where Scratch and Owlbear slept?

A sacreed deer, whose even blood is ever so sweet, howled like an wolf.

Would you turn into a mindflayer out of... stubbornness? Would you let the rest of your beloved party turn into something utterly disgusting, putting in danger all those people you swore to protect, just to prove a point?

Maybe you would. Maybe you wouldn't.

No one died that night.

You intrigued Lae'zel. Before you were her supposedly defenseless prey, and now you are the object of her curiosity. Lae'zel didn't understand you. And she craved to.

So she kept a close eye on you.

You bleed. All the fucking time. You bleed, and you wept. But everytime someone crushed you down, you rose up. For every tear that fall from your eyes, you made sure to smile. You survive, and you keep on doing it.

Strength and weakness merged in the warrior's mind. She knew what strength is, she can smell weakness from afar. Lae'zel was taught everything she was supossed to know.

But you were never the one to fit in old impervious notions.

Lae'zel saw you end a hyena's suffering without flinching, and you trying to hold on the wind when you were about to fall. She heard you helping a bird decorate its nest, and the breaking of a skull of someone brave enough to maim Shadowheart when she was near you.

You yelled at Astarion as he tried to stop you from helping gnomes. Helped Wyll with herbs for his pain after Mizora's trick. Helped Gale with dinner, putting a smile to the usually frowed wizard's face. Gave Karlach her first hug in years.

She saw your every movement. Lae'zel heard you laughing, saw you dancing, watched as you helped your new friends. Sometimes it felt as if you made white lines so she could follow you. So Lae'zel could see you being good, nice, decent. Being you in a way that showed her that no, you would've never let your companions turn into mindflayers. You were bluffing, and she fell for it.

At some point, it started to ache. Anytime you laugh at some tiefling's story, something inside Lae'zel burned. At night, she could picture your smile on her eyelids. When you call her name during battle, yelling instructions that somewhat always end in victory. When you look at her.

She can still see that fire. That same flame that stopped her from killing you right then and there. But diluted, controlled. And still, just as able of burning her entire soul. You have a fire contained within your gaze, and Lae'zel doesn't mind getting burned.

Maybe you're not that weak. And maybe she's not that strong.

She's not watching you anymore. Observing your every move so she can understand your mind. Not a prey, not a walking question mark. Lae'zel is purelly admiring.

For some, you came as a tempest. Slowly, without announce your intentions, your way of being embraced them.

A few flinched, scared of what that meant about them. That by admitting you're good despite it all means they could be good too. Some welcomed it, scared of what that meant about the world. If you're good despite everything that happened, then others could be too. Others chose not to.

But you stroke Halsin as a thunderstorm, just as quickly and fiercly. In such a dark time, you were a lighthouse. A shining light that blind at first, but embraces and comforts.

The grove was in danger, his life could end at any given moment, a goblin camp separated him from the world he worked so hard to protect. But your party helped him, and it gave Halsin the right amount of hope.

You asked him to stay behind, and he did so. Halsin wouldn't be able to control himself, and you didn't need all that attention. He was hopeful, not an idiot. But when Halsin heard screams from the room beside... Knowing that Minthara was there, Halsin couldn't help himself.

A wizard focused on the goblins. As he held them in place, a cleric made sure to end them. But at the other side of the room, the only other druid he saw in weeks had a dagger deep on her chest.

Minthara had you on your knees, her nails digging on the skin of your chin. A burning tiefling didn't knew a way to react that wouldn't end within that same blade slicing your throat. She waited for an order, an instruction of any kind, and Minthara realized that you were leading the rebels.

"Is that your leader?" Minthara looked at the tiefling. Her eyes were numb, bored even, but her grin was sharp. She forced to blade deeper. "A weak druid, barely able of helding a sword? Are you that desperate?"

You should've cried. You should've beg for mercy. You should've do anything, instead of laughing. Minthara glared at you, sure that you were reduced to a crazy, desperate animal. But when you bit her hand, blood staining your chin, you were more of a beast.

Minthara stumbled, and you pulled the blade she left on your shoulder. Blood ran down your side, but that didn't stopped you from rising up. Halsin don't think anything would've.

"Maybe you're right," you hissed. With her dagger on your left hand, you took your sword from the ground. "I'm not a fighter. I wasn't educate to control the Weave. I can't heal a thing. When I can't do something, I find someone that can. Without their help, I would be dead by now."

Halsin came here to act. To help, protect, kill. But all he could do, just like everyone else in that room, was to watch you. To look at your beaming smile, to see the blood on your teath, not even trying not to get blind by it.

"Why would anyone follow someone that professes to be so weak?" She looked at the wizard, a dead goblin at his feet, her brain thinking of all the ways she could defeat your party. "What can you do that give you the right to rule them?"

Your smile seemed to grow wider. "I can beat the shit out of you."

And beat the shit out of Minthara you did.

With a first impression like that, ain't no mistery why Halsin couldn't do anything but to stay with your party. But to go on with you, deafeting the Shadowcurse and exploring Baldur's Gate. But to see you shine, feel your warmth, and let it pull a string on his heart.

At the end, it didn't matter how it started. It didn't matter how much they fought the thought back. If they lied to themselfs, made you a villain on their minds, welcomed you with open arms.

You have their hearts. Simply as it can be. You have their hearts.

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

BALDUR'S GATE 3 TAGLIST: @citrusbunnies

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[peachi-blossom]

My thoughts on Hazbin Hotel as a non HH fan

Originally, I was just here to watch people criticizing Hazbin Hotel. But when the recent controversies came in, I feel like I have to step into the fandom rabbit hole.

As a non Hazbin Hotel fan, I've watched the pilot, read the prequel comics, watched the ADDICT music video, and finally the show itself. (I've watched the show on March 15th.)

NOTE: I didn't watch the show on TV so I watched it on a pirated website instead and read the transcript because no way am I watching this in front of my parents, my siblings, or Grandma. This is my personal opinion on the show.

Pilot: So Hell is basically Earth except it's painted red and inhabited by demons. The background has too much red, but not as bad that it makes my eyes bleed. I don't like how the female characters have the same color scheme except Vaggie and Niffty (pilot only). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, and Cherri Bomb. The only two funny parts of the pilot is when the top hat demon says "Wow! That was s***!" after Charlie sings Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow and when Angel pokes his head in as Vaggie is giving Alastor a warning. I didn't like the daddy joke. It just sounded bad. Also, why is there a joke about harlequin babies?

Prequel comics that are no longer canon: Basically the prequel comics focuses on Angel Dust and Alastor.

For Dirty Healings, it shows how Angel Dust first met Charlie and Vaggie. I knew that Vaggie's name was named after a uh, you know. Ugh… Why did Vivienne Medrano had to name her that? Also I hate Valentino.

As for A Day In The After Life, it just shows why Alastor is the most feared demon in Hell. Also he swears after seeing Vox.

ADDICT music video: I genuinely have no thoughts on this music video. I think this was just bait for the SA and CSA victims. Sorry for those who like the MV.

Episode 1: This is worse than the pilot. I did NOT like the beginning part. It's biblically inaccurate for multiple reasons, but I feel like a few people only talk about this one thing. Sin didn't exist until Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Not only that, but it's also misogynistic too because it was just Eve who ate it. What makes it misogynistic is that it implies that all women would have to bear the sins of Eve ALONE. There's rampant swearing and sex jokes. Also, isn't Archangel Michael supposed to be the leader of the Army of God? Anyways I'm siding with the angels.

Episode 2: The red is so bright that it hurts my eyes. It doesn't help the fact that Alastor blends in the background. Oh yeah, when Vox tells Sir Pentious to kill himself, it made me feel sad because it reminded me of the Shay incident. The time when the stans drove Shay to kill themself because they were uncomfortable with the large age gap of HuskerDust.

Episode 3: Why? Why is there a BDSM sex dungeon?! I know that was Angel's idea, but still. Why?! I seriously have no words. When Zestial says "What troubles thou?" I was like "Huh?". It should be "What troubles thee?". I think his Old English has grammatical errors. The Egg Boiz, Carmilla, and Zestial are bearable because they never said a swear word. Off topic, but Velvette's swirl streaks on her hair makes me think of a swirl ice cream.

Episode 4: Before the show came out, I saw SlayQueenArt's post on Twitter (X) that says Vivienne Medrano hired Raphielle II, aka R2ninjaturtle, who has a rape fetish and isn't a SA victim. As someone who is formerly addicted to porn, this episode is insulting on so many levels. I didn't watch the whole Poison sequence because of that. And don't get me started on Loser Baby. I hate this song so much. It felt like it is blaming on SA and CSA victims for being SA'd. Like it is blaming me for being addicted to porn on and off when I was EIGHT. I know there are some victims who like episode 4 so I will leave them alone. I seriously hate how Charlie behaves like a toddler at the end. No grown adult should behave like a toddler like she did because being raped isn't a silly thing to cry over. Like, hello? She is the supposed to be the main character. Oh yeah, there was NO warning for the episode when the show premiered and it triggered the victims who watched it. SA and CSA victims are not losers. Former porn addicts are not losers. Nobody is a loser. I am NOT a loser.

Episode 5: Wow, Vivienne Medrano really turned Lucifer into King George from Veggietales. I guess this is what happens when King George gave in into his obsession with rubber ducks. I didn't like Hell's Greatest Dad because of the unnecessary rivalry between Lucifer and Alastor, but at least Mimzy ended the song. Oh boy, this is where I hate Alastor now. No really, he is Vivienne Medrano's first edgelord oc. He has gone full edgelord and is basically a Bill Cipher wannabe now. His full demon form is not even scary compared to Bill's final form. He no longer stands out from the main cast even if he rarely swears. Mimzy is basically the embodiment of the hooked nose stereotype. Wow, the embodiment of a Jew stereotype. How racist.

Episode 6: That was an absolute slap in the face at SA and CSA victims and me when Sir Pentious got SA'd! Seriously, Vivienne Medrano doesn't even care for the victims at this point! What's worse is that he is based off of her old ex-friend, DollCreep. Why did she whitewashed St. Peter?! I know there are white Jews, but he was born in ancient Israel so I wouldn't think he'll be looking like a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes. How come angels don't know how souls get to Heaven?! We got the Ten Commandments! We got Jesus Christ who took our place to die for our sins so we wouldn't have to bear these sins! Emily and Sera are bearable because you know. I hate how Niffty is being treated like a child when she's NOT. What's worse is that Niffty is supposed to be Japanese because of how people INFANTILIZED Asian people, especially women.

Episode 7: My issue with Out for Love is that when Carmilla tells Vaggie that she should fight for love and not for vengeance. Well, Vaggie always fight for love and never for vengeance. In Whatever it Takes, she literally says that she'll always protect Charlie. Where is the vengeance in that? That is poor character writing. Rosie is basically the blood libel stereotype where the Jews are cannibals. Again, that's just racist against Jews.

Episode 8: I thought the finale was pointless because there were no stakes and Sir Pentious' heroic sacrifice was comically anti-climatic. Like, why did Sir Pentious's so called friends cared about him when they didn't help him at ALL in episode 6?! I'm not a fan of the CherriSnake ship because Cherri only becomes interested in him because he has two "joysticks". Not to mention he kissed her without consent and she thinks it's hot after that. The problem with More Than Anything (Reprise) is that Vaggie reassures Charlie that she changed many lives, but she only changed one. I'm so glad Adam defeated Alastor first. There is absolutely no way Lucifer slept with Eve. Oof for Lute and Adam. You both fought well until the end.

The character designs are awful. Every male character basically looks like The Once-ler from The Lorax 2012 movie except for Adam (I know Alastor doesn't have a top hat, but still gives off the vibes. Zestial is more Burtonesque.). Not to mention they are all skinny twigs except for Adam (I think). The female characters in Hell have the same color scheme except Vaggie (again). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, Mimzy (though her dress is a little darker), Cherri Bomb, and Niffty (show only). They have too much pinks, reds, yellows, whites, and blacks. I love pink, but this is too much. What's worse is that they blend in the background and again it hurts my eyes. There is NO color variety and I feel like my eyes are burning.

That's my thoughts on the show.

[jinglyhigh-heels]

Okay so. Now that I’m not thick in the Emotions this game was giving me, I have come to the realization that this game does SO good at portraying abuse.

So uh. Expect to see a lot (Lot) of talk about that, under the cut.

I’ll start with the most recent realization, which was how the cat was dictating your actions the entire time. It explicitly says so at the end: it was your narrator throughout this whole game. And then how you had to struggle through narrating your own actions at the very end? Solid.

Then, the second most recent realization: you may have ‘messed up’ in the very first ending, but the cat just goes on to show you that literally anything you could’ve done was the ‘wrong choice.’ It found enjoyment in watching you try again and again to see what you could’ve done differently: which is such a good way of telling the player that this isn’t on you. Often times people who are in abusive relationships are blamed for the violence inflicted upon them. If you dressed differently, went to bed instead of watching tv, made such-and-such for dinner instead of so-and/so, did whatever was the catalyst for your abuse differently, then it wouldn’t have happened. But this game is saying no! That’s not how it works! People who want to hurt you WILL hurt you, and it’s not your fault.

As an addition to that point, you cannot avoid doing something that will get you killed (well, except for the ending where you help your cat kill everyone else, but I digress). Even when you see the death coming, and choose the option that gets you away, you run out of things to do. You either have to stay in a single loop—or, well, daydream in this case—forever, or do something that makes the cat (or something else) kills you.

Then, the endings where you feed the cat your blood. It’s really interesting! These endings made me think of what it’s like being in an abusive relationship when you have a child. The choice of whether to risk an even greater abuse to—maybe even temporarily—protect someone who couldn’t protect themself, or whether to turn a blind eye and let your own abuse be temporarily paused, permanently stopped, minimized, or even just kept the same but importantly not made worse; it just reminds me of stories I’ve seen in the past. And you might think, well, you should obviously choose the first one, right? But the game does a good job of showing the dilemma someone who’s being abused might go through. See, if you choose the former option, you die. And as you say when dying: how can you protect anyone now? It’s the same with the mouse, when you choose to let it go. You saved one, for the price of one, and now the cat is free to kill as many more as it desires. And that’s not even considering the instinctive desire to protect oneself, or how the abuser might have changed how you look at the abuse. All this to say, it’s a pretty great portrayal of a dilemma that often shows up in abusive relationships that have a dependent involved (which doesn’t always mean a child, despite what I said in the beginning of this section).

Next up, the dog park. This is pretty heavily related to the first point; which, upon rereading, wasn’t expanded on enough, so let’s talk about it again. This section, the narration goes on and on a lot about how disgusting dogs are, how everything’d be so much better with the cat, and then even your visual perception of these dogs is altered to make them terrifying—part of an attempt to lure you back to the cat (not that you can. Actually do that, if you’re at this point). As part of the game, the cat’s influence is really obvious, and really direct. It’s literally, directly admitted to influencing your thoughts like this. But you don’t need magic or psychic powers, or whatever, in order to influence someone’s thoughts. And abusive people take advantage of that often! They tell you stories, or act a certain way, or inflict physical pain in order to make you view something positively or negatively. Like, if your abuser would curse out dogs all the time while drunk and slamming cabinets, or something. You might look at dogs and be reminded of the fear and paranoia you felt while the cabinets were slamming. (To give a simple example.)

Then, the endings where you almost feed the cat chocolate. These endings do a great job at exploring two different mindsets that abuse victims often have. One, that thoughts of doing something bad are nearly as reprehensible as doing the act itself. When you almost feed the cat chocolate—and by ‘almost’, I mean, you pull it out of your pocket while searching for food and then merely look towards the cat, the beginnings of consideration in your mind, before you stop—you’re wracked with guilt aaaalllll throughout the journey home, and the cats reinforce this guilt. And then this one is specific towards the ending where you ignore the cats, where you turn into a fish and realize now that you have a way to ‘repent’ for what you did. The cat is staring at you, and likely has the means to grab you, but what’s notable here is that you, on your own will, swim up to the surface. And even after you’ve sacrificed yourself, you find yourself feeling guilt that you couldn’t feed all the cats, couldn’t truly repent for what you’d “done.” Which, again, was literally just thinking about doing something, and even before you realized that it would be bad (not that that makes a difference, because thoughts aren’t bad 🔫). This is kinda similar to what happens when you let the mouse go, but that one is unique in that you: 1.) stay still. You don’t deliver yourself to your death like you do in the fish-transformation ending. 2) don’t say anything about regretting being unable to give the cat its fill. Probably because, well. You probably are able to.

And then of course, The ending. This is, most definitely, the least subtle thing ever. Even if I hadn’t happened to exit the game partway through (and then actually read the CWs upon reentering), this likely would’ve let me figure out pretty fuckin quick what was goin on.

I’m gonna split this into three parts: the beginning of the end, the end, and the post-end.

To begin my discussion of the former, I need to mention that the end is you not letting the cat (who, in case this wasn’t obvious by now, is your abuser) back into your home. This is a HUGE step for abuse victims. It’s, hard. Like, in this case it may have been due to magic, but the cat was literally rewriting your brain. Also, you’re lonely, and the cat provided at least some comfort. A helluva lotta pain, sure, but they gave you more comfort than you were receiving anywhere else. Not every situation is the same, but there’s almost always some big hurdle keeping you with the abuser. In this case, the game lets you climb that hurdle through the help of previous victims. This is good, because it avoids the pitfall of ‘to escape abuse you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.’ And, ‘the pain they inflict on you will be enough motivation.’ Like no! This wasn’t something you could do on your own!

Then for the second part, I’m first gonna talk about the lead up to the end: the chase scene, as you’re trying to get home. In that, the cat begs you to stay, saying they’ll die without you, that they’re nothing without you.

And here’s where I make the disclaimer that I’ve never been abused, nor have I ever abused. Furthermore, while I have read many accounts from people who have been abused, I have read very little from the perspective of the abuser (at least, ones that were from people who had recognized and accepted that they were abusive).

However, with this dialogue, it seemed like the cat really believed what it was saying. And from what I can tell, it seems like (SOME) irl abusers actually feel the same? They punish you because they worry that if you enjoy the world outside of them, then you’ll love it so much more and leave—and what would they do without you? And I say this, because then the ending of the game is teaching the lesson that: THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

You staying with them did not help them get better. They had every chance, every single second you were together they could have chosen to change, and instead they chose to continue hurting you. Going back will not prove to them that they need to change or they will lose you: it will only tell them that they need to take away even more of your power so you CAN’T leave. Splitting up is not only the best thing that you can do for yourself, but it is the best thing you can do for them: even if they don’t seem like it.

Which is a great segue into the post-end. Because it really proves the point! You may have been lonely, but your abuser wasn’t your only option. You did find someone, and this one won’t kill you! :D I do have mixed feelings on the new cat being a black cat with their right eye gone though. One the one hand, it could potentially be interpreted as you letting your abuser, reformed(?), into your house. On the other, sndndinwjd. (<- that was initially a placeholder but you know what? I’m leaving it.)

For example, if you view its coat as a symbolism for a trait like gender, then choosing another black cat could be like dating another woman after your last abuser was a woman. The traits don’t make the abuser, yada yada. Very good! But since we’re dealing with cats, the creator would’ve had to deal with the issue that cats (especially in a simpler art style) Can Kinda Look Similar. And I know that if I, personally, had seen that image and the cat had both eyes, I would’ve immediately been like ‘oh sHIT THE ABUSER’S BACK—’ and had a mini heart attack. /j So. They were probably trying to find a way to make it obvious that THIS cat was not the abusive one.

But not only did you find someone better to replace the abuser with, you are just overall happier without them in your life, and the game did an excellent job of portraying this: by making you go through all the locations you already did. It was such a good parallel. Visiting any location while you were under your the cat’s paw you marred by anxiety and death. But visiting those same places on your own, after ditching it? You have fun times at every one! You even meet new people—and I really love the way the game handled that, because it could have suddenly made us outgoing and extroverted. But nope! We were an introvert walking in, and we’re an introvert walking out. That’s not a bad thing.

One final note that I realized while writing this, is that the game does a VERY good job of giving you a reason for sticking with the cat. See, I can’t think of any specific examples, but I feel like when most people see their main character in an abusive relationship they get frustrated by why they won’t leave. They, the player, can see what’s happening and see the means to escape. The character themself likely has a reason for staying, but the player doesn’t feel whatever emotions are behind that, so it’s pretty easy for them to either view the reason as ‘stupid,’ or to discount the reason altogether. To properly tell an abuse story, I think a really important aspect is being able to see why they wouldn’t leave. To feel, even a little bit, of what the victim is feeling. This game does that in two very simple, yet effective, ways. First, by making the abuser Cute and Smoll. There’s no har~m giving them a chance~! It’s an adorable kitty cat~ (And even when it does do bad things, it’s like “dohhh~ you didn’t know what you were doing~, did u my wittle cutie patootie~”) By virtue of it being adorable, many people immediately have a baseline bond with the cat, which is later made deeper by all the cute scenes, and the moments of backwards kindness in which the cat directly or indirectly helps you out in some way. The second, juxtaposing the first, is done by making the cat incomprehensibly powerful. You see for yourself the power it can, and is willing to, wield against you. Sure, most (and, hopefully, all) abusers don’t have this kind of eldritch power, but to many abuse victims, it sure may seem like it. Maybe it’s financial, or social, or maybe they’re just scarily good with guns: regardless, it tends to be a hurdle that feels impossible to overcome, though it may seem different to an outsider looking in. By making the abuser literally impossible to defeat until you’re given help by outside means (aka, the game, via the former victims), it places you right into the eyes of a victim gazing upon their abuser. This incomprehensible power pairs really well with the cuteness factor, by making the cat seem almost innocent in everything they do. Sure, they ripped me to shreds when my laser pointer was reflected to the back of my head; but they’re just a wittle kitty, how can I blame them for following their instincts~. Not every abuser has this veneer of innocence, but when it’s there it can make recognizing (as was my experience here lol) and reporting abuse to be extra difficult.

[otomepeachy]

Belphegor Playlist

Link

I hope you guys like this. Belphie was the second character I made a playlist for so I've had his ready for a long time before I refined it. I hope it's good!

Explanations (Excluding Character Songs):

Killer In The Mirror - Set It Off

I've always connected this song with Belphie! For years! It just sounds like his whole arc! From being locked in the attic and meeting MC to breaking out and killing MC. Feeling betrayed by his brothers and being backstbbed by Lucifer! I will never let this go! "There's nobody but me here" "now I know there's no one I can trust. I used to think there was"

Happy Pills - Weathers

Kinda gives off that slightly unhinged and crazed side of Belphie we all know and love while also keeping a slightly mellow mood for most of the song.

Oblivion - Grimes

Another song that gives off slightly crazed vibes but also kinda a revenge song which is a big thing for Belphie and how he feels towards Lucifer or how he felt towards humans before MC.

Young And Menace - Fall Out Boy

Okay, I wasn't sure about it at first but I think it fits well. It's also just a really good song, don't @ me. It talks about madness and going crazy a lot and it sounds like something that fits Belphie's personality, even if it's a bit hard hitting.

Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People

I know this is more for.... something else but I still think it fits. You can think of the chorus and how it's about someone on the prowl. I cannot stop my serial killer Belphie agenda, I'm sorry, I love him I promise!

I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

He's really not and neither are we but that's okay. (You know damn well he love emo music)

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing - Set It Off

He's definitely a wolf in sheep's Clothing. Also, I've always connected him with sheep. I know that's MCs thing but I can't help it! It's also a song filled with rage like our beloved Avatar of Sloth.

Jenny Was A Friend - The Killers

Literally a song about accidentally killing a lover. Also based off a crime from the 80's but anyways.

don't fall asleep yet - Powfu

I know Belphie would definitely prefer to fall asleep than stay awake but I can't help connecting him with this song and the soft, slow, smooth vibe is very much him.

Monster - Skillet

As much as we've talked about Belphie and his murderous intent, he very clearly has guilt from it. I'm a firm believer of the opinion that he even has immense trauma from it. I think for a long long time after the incident that he hated himself and what he did. Not only because of MC, but because it fractured his relationships with his brothers.

i'll die anyway - girl in red

a song about the past being good but losing touch with themself over the years and becoming emotionally numb but also still feeling lonely. I think this speaks to Belphie, especially since we saw a lot how much he changed after both losing Lilith and being locked in the attic.

Can't Go to Hell - Sin Shake Sin

I just think it fits well and while it's not exactly connected lyrically, I think the sound of it is very much Belphie's vibe and something he'd listen to.

REVIVED - Derivakat

Revenge and return. very much reminds me of the entire scene of Belphie breaking out of the attic. From revealing he played MC to taunting and mocking his brothers over their shock and horror after he kills MC. The lyrics all just remind me of Belphie. It even mentions being locked away.

8 Legged Dreams - Unlike Pluto

Talk of nightmares but the lyrics also read like the singer is trying to help someone sleep or ease them into it which is obviously one of Belphie's powers as the Avatar of Sloth.

Backstabber - Kesha

Self explanatory

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

It's so him. Very soft and mellow. You also can't convince me Belphie isn't a sweater boy. He even wears one in both his casual clothes and his demon form. It's very much him.

[whosthere54]

Prison duo playlist analysis day 7 - Brutus by The Buttress

YES I FINALLY GET TO YELL ABOUT THIS SONG! ME WHEN!

This is mostly gonna be me yelling about the season two prison arc and also probably corruption because wow I’m so normal about that specifically. From Icarus’s perspective mostly is what I’ve thought this through same as most things- though it could be corruption arc Centross too.

Starting off strong with

“I’ve been watching him for my entire life. I hate the air he breathes, his foolish decrees his words so contrived.”

They have known him throughout the first reset that they remember at that point- that being the only thing they remember from their life. They hate him- especially after they remember. They were fine around him before but when they remember their put straight back into the mindset the held during corruption and they hold so so much anger and resentment towards him. They don’t believe a word he says, he broke their trust no matter how little of it was real in the fist place. Why would he tell the truth now? They don’t believe him when he try’s to tell them Rae is sick- because their so sure that Rae would tell them even when they hadn’t fully earned that trust back yet because why would he tell the person who tried to kill everybody here over them?

“And I hate the way the townspeople gather outside. They cling on to every breath, cling to his chest. Home to his heart full of pride.”

Most people of not everyone have met Centross at this point- and most like him. Find him easy to hang out with or are just indifferent to him being there. Rae trusts him more than others, and if Centross said something most would probably believe him especially Rae at this point. Would people believe Icarus? Who’s to say- especially if Jamie and Athena remember. Athena I think trusts Centross more than Icarus with that memory. Easton I don’t know about- I think he would be able to tell if they were lying- but I don’t think he’d trust them so easily.

“The Oracle told him beware the Ides. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wishing for untimely death or demise”

Mmmm. See if this was s3 “The Oracle told him beware the Ides” would be a great line.

I don’t remember off the top of my head if anyone except Centross himself was worried about visiting Icarus- so I can’t make the best connection here.

They would be wishing for his death- not exactly knowingly but they don’t want his here. They don’t want him to be around to hurt anyone anymore and the easiest way to do that would be for him to die. They don’t immediately want to do it themself- but they would be lying if they didn’t wish something would happen to him for what he’d done to the people they cared about- as well as what he’d done to them as much as they try to make it about everyone else.

“Or am I just wishing I could be like you? That the people would see me too as a poet, and not just the muse.”

THIS ONE. THIS IS WHY I SAY SEASON 2.

They wished they were like him in many ways in season one- he was Enderian’s favorite. Her speaker, her first choice. She talked to him the most. They wish NIW that they got the same level of trust and support from others he is getting, wishing they could walk around and not have to pretend they don’t notice the shifting feet and fearful glances when they talk to someone, pretend they don’t notice when Rae talks to them different after maybe a nightmare or something else that reminded him of them then. They wish it was like Centross- where he walks around freely and can gain the trust back of the other people on the server. What they don’t know is how he worked for it- he built that trust back and they haven’t taken the steps to do that yet.

“Oh it’s not true, I don’t wish harm upon you. From birth we’ve been like brothers of different mothers. Within the spirit of the same womb”

Even if they hate each other- they probably understand each other the most out of many of the characters on Fable. They’ve had experiences together through corruption and then have probably seen each other at their most vulnerable in both prison arcs- stretching into season 3 where there’s more trust and vulnerability for it to actually be a healthy exchange.

“May the gods strike me down if I forsake you. Frater meus, you’re beautifully made. And to you I’m forever grateful.”

Mmm. Me when. They didn’t want to hurt him at first- they just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

He taught them a lot though season 1- I think. Just in their mental state really- even if it wasn’t a healthy environment they learned a lot about themself and what they were capable of specifically due to his help. He was part of the people who enabled them to do what they did- even if it was a bad thing. That turns into him enabling and helping them heal and do good later in season 2 and in season 3.

“You’re beautifully made” is a line for sure. Mhm.

“I’ll never forget that you showed me to make art. And I know the love you showered me came from a pure and noble heart. I love you, and if you want I’ll call you king. But why do I lay awake at night thinking instead of you it should be me?”

I don’t want to repeat myself- but same things as I said above he taught them a lot, as well as their respect for him vs their returned lingering hatred and resentment toward him wanting to be in the place he had been from season 1.

“something wicked this way comes. And as I’m set to face it, I’m unsure, should I embrace it? Should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love? What’s more wrong; that I too wish to be great, or my mother wished she’d had a son?”

Agh- me when. What’s more wrong; that I too wish to be great, or my mother wished she’d had a son?

Tell me that’s not so Icarus coded. Or my mother wished she’d had a son- because- was Icarus ever rally her son? She was their mother, yes, but Icarus was always Creations child. Always in fables shadow, his mini me, his perfect golden child that would do whatever he say. They looked like him too- the spitting image of their father taking on his temperament too.

Skipping a bit because- I’m so normal about this part-

“My name is Brutus and my name means heavy. So with a heavy heart, I’ll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy. My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me. Please know that my actions are not motivated only by envy. I, too, have a destiny. This death will be art. The people will speak of this from near and afar. This event will be history, and I’ll be great too. I don’t want what you have- I want to be you!”

Oh me when they nearly kill Centross. I’m so incredibly normal. About that in particular.

“Please know that my actions are not motivated only by envy”

They didn’t just do this for what he’d done to them- at-least that’s what they tell themself- they do it to protect their family. The only people they care about that he hurt. Their actions are not only motivated by their care for what happened to them, but for what happened to the grove.

“I don’t want what you have- I want to be you!”

Now- contradictory to my last statement- this is about them. About the lingering mindset of corruption that has them in the same place of envy and anger and want that they were stuck in before. They want to be him now- wanting the respect of others like he had, wanting people to care about them in the same way- trust them and believe them the same way they do him. They want it to be easy- to not have to be looked at like they’re crazy or with pitiful gazes lines with fear and panic when the people they love look at them like they’re a monster.

“I always knew I could be the one. Though I feel the endless pain of being, and I am scorched by the sun. Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex. My name is Brutus but the people will call me Rex”

NOW THIS IS THE LINE IF BEEN THINKING ABOUT ALL DAY-

“My name is Brutus but the people will call me Rex”

They don’t know their name at this point so I am not going to say it here- but- “My name is Sherbert but the people will call me Creation(Creation’s child)” BECAUSE HEAR ME OUT- Fable was a military guy, he probably taught them a lot about war strategy as a child of them sitting in the war room as a little kid is anything to go by- and he’s a killer though they don’t know that yet. Following in their fathers footsteps, they’ll hurt the people they care about the most when trying to do something they deem as good for the people. Good for a kingdom, or good for the grove. And then end up with angry looks and sharp words that they didn’t want- that they did this to try and *avoid*

Just- me when they’re called Creation’s child and they follow so closely in his footsteps that sometimes it almost makes the lines blur between the two- even just in their tone of speech. Their tone of speech during the S2 arc and also the corruption arc nearly recreated Fables sharp and angry tones he speaks in and I just. Mm. This is all I’ve been thinking about right now.

That’s all I’ll say- I’ll cut myself off here but I have so many thoughts about this and the season 2 prison arc specifically- hence my whole playlist… it’s fine- I’m normal guys totally.

Anyways!

The image chosen from my prison duo Pinterest board today is-

I’ll leave it at that.

You are loved! Go take any meds if you need to and Go eat and drink water if you haven’t already today <3

Have a good rest of your day/night :]

[heyiwrotesomethings]

While requests are open I was thinking could you please write how Shinobu or Mitsuri would react to reader relapsing into smoking cigarettes after being a few years clean due to stress from a mission or something like that? If not I understand thank you for being who you are and keeping me entertained 🖤🖤

Smoking Relapse Headcanons

Shinobu Kochou x They/Them Reader and Mitsuri Kanroji x They/Them Reader

A/N: I couldn’t decide who I wanted to write for more, so I did a little something for both. Hope the format is okay. Thank you for reading!

Shinobu Kochou

They didn’t even realize they had bought the cigarettes until they left the little tobacco shop they were meant to be passing by on their way home. But now that they had they a pack in their still shaky hands and the on-edge anxiety they carried in their chest was still as thick and fresh as it had been since their mission had concluded, they found themself shaking a cigarette loose from the box and putting it to their lips.

That would be fine… right? They didn’t carry matches anymore since they quit. As long as they couldn’t light up, just holding the once familiar weight between their lips should be okay. Something to distract them from the near disastrous turn they avoided on their mission. They could be content with just the taste of the paper…

Until an old man who had been smoking from a pipe nearby noticed their lack of a flame and offered to light it up for them. After the night they had, they couldn’t find it in themself to refuse.

They coughed out a cloud of smoke. It really had been awhile since their last cigarette, huh? Shinobu was going to kill them.

It wouldn’t matter if they threw away the evidence, changed their clothes, or took a bath with the sweetest smelling soaps. Shinobu always seemed to be able to detect if something was amiss. It would be best to just be honest and take the lecture straight up rather than give Shinobu time to make them really regret any lying by omission.

They still gave the rest of the pack to the old man before continuing on home. One cigarette was bad enough after having been clean for nearly two years. Some people would probably decide that they might as well finish the whole pack since they already slipped up, but they probably didn’t have a physician for a girlfriend who could be really terrifying when she wanted to be.

Upon arriving home, they would greet all of the usual faces, getting a little more nervous the closer they got to Shinobu’s lab.

They knocked and Shinobu called them in, smiling upon realizing who her visitor was. Soon enough however, as they neared the table, Shinobu’s head tilted curiously to the side and her eyes narrowed almost imperceivably.

(Y/n) sighed, getting ready to tell Shinobu all about their folly, but she took their hand in hers and lead them to a chair, scooting another one over to sit beside them.

Shinobu wouldn’t really scold them too harshly for their relapse. She could tell that they had a particularly difficult night and they were already kind of disappointed and aggravated enough on their own without her chiming in.

Shinobu cares deeply about (Y/n)’s health, especially as a demon slayer where breathing techniques are a crucial tool in most battles. She has never been more invested in the health of a pair of lungs. She could see a marked improvement in (Y/n)’s speed and technique since they quit smoking and she’d like to keep it that way.

Above all she’s just glad that they came home in one piece and she’s ready to talk about whatever happened on their mission when they are. But for the moment she’s content to sit with them and remind them of how far they have come while sharing a pot of strong tea that Aoi brewed per her request.

Mitsuri Kanroji

They had been called away on missions nearly every night for the last couple weeks and the pressure was getting to them. It didn’t help that Mitsuri was often assigned elsewhere when they finally did get to stay home for a night. It had been a stressful and lonely time.

To try to keep their mind off of their last dreary mission and very apparent lack of Mitsuri, they decided to clean their room. They swiped a rag over a high shelf, knocking something to the floor. They silently cursed, they had thought the cleared everything off of the shelf before hand, but clearly not. They bent down to pick up the little box, but froze when they saw it was an old, mostly empty pack of cigarettes.

Apparently they had forgotten about that little hiding place when they had started getting serious about quitting. Damn it.

They tried to ignore it and focused on cleaning the rest of the shelf before their attention was brought back to the carton on the floor. They picked it up, hand hovering over the garbage to toss it in, but they couldn’t seem to do it without taking one of the remaining cigarettes between their fingers.

They walked stiffly, but with purpose to the kitchen to take a box of matches and then they went outside to sit on the engawa, leaving the door open so light could flood the dark yard. They stared up at the moon and rolled the cigarette between their fingers until the itch got the better of them and they brought it to their lips before striking a match.

If the last couple weeks hadn’t been so rough, that discovery would have gone so differently. They exhaled a breath of smoke and leaned their head against the support beam they were sitting by. They had only made it three months, how depressing. As much as they missed her, they were glad Mitsuri wasn’t home to see this.

As they flicked some ash to the dirt below, they heard noise coming from somewhere inside. Then they heard Mitsuri’s voice calling out for them. She couldn’t see them like this. It would break her heart!

They put out the cigarette on the underside of the engawa and flicked the remains far beneath and out of sight. Their heart thudded in time with Mitsuri’s quickly approaching footsteps and they went rigid when her weight fell over their back and her arms squeezed them tightly in an enthusiastic hug accompanied by a showering of kisses.

Mitsuri noticed their stiffness before registering the scent that was clinging to the air around them. Then she hugged them even harder, almost dangerously so.

Mitsuri is very empathetic. She knows that they had been having a hard time lately, she had also been feeling lonely without (Y/n) around. It makes her sad to see what all that stress mounted too and she can tell that (Y/n) is disappointed. She wants to comfort them if they’ll let her.

She knows they were mostly trying to quit for her benefit ever since Shinobu had mentioned smoking around other people frequently enough could give them the same health problems as the one partaking. So Mitsuri is determined to be there for them in any way they need.

After all, she wants them to be just as happy and healthy as they want her to be. Whether they decide to stay outside a little longer and cuddle or they are ready to go back in for a late dinner, Mitsuri will be glued to their side until she is called away on a mission that simply cannot be put into someone else’s hands.

[fels-fantasy-hoard]

A general reminder to gms to never turn a recurring or tag along npc into a plot device as your players will notice and it will piss them off (rant incoming)

The last dnd game I was in as a player I wound up leaving due to this exact thing. My character’s whole deal was protecting and caring for a child npc that shared their tragic backstory. Unfortunately for me, this npc became the gm’s favorite new toy and not only did they make this npc more powerful than every one of the players and more intelligent than all of us, the dm used them to facilitate literally almost every plot point from the moment I joined the team.

I spent so much in game time dealing with this npc’s bullshit that I barely had any time to actually get to know the other characters or make any meaningful bonds with them. This npc was constantly dragging me away from them and derailing the story because the gm used them like a carrot on a string to create drama. I don’t even know what our goal as a party was other than collect the macguffin and take down the government because every plot after I joined revolved around finding this npc because they ran off or protecting them from their own idiocy or having a crisis because this npc wants to kill themself.

I cannot describe to you how annoying it was walking into every session expecting this npc to act in any consistent way. One session they would be moping about how they don’t belong in this world because they are too smart for their own good and the next they are being manipulated and kidnapped like a normal 5 year old by someone plot convenient so the party gains plot relevant information. One session they don’t want to use their insane power because it’s too much and the next they want to practice by torturing people and animals and the next they leave the fortified base to go flower picking to drag the party to learn more plot relevant information. Every single session I was dealing with an entirely different character whose levels of intelligence and emotional maturity changed on a dime to suite the gm’s needs. It was exhausting and this on top of a few other things made me leave the group.

If a player hands you something like this, show some restraint. Please. Especially right after they join the crew. I’d say restraint is one of the most important aspect of being a story teller in general.

I gave this gm two big red buttons with my character and they pushed both of them immediately. The dm brought in my characters personal antagonist session 2, before I had any kind of bond with the crew and was at the point where when I had the option to have my character lose their memories of this antagonist I took it just to remove that button because I could immediately tell this gm has zero restraint.

I talked with the dm out of session and asked them to tone it back because ever since I joined literally every single plot had my character at the center and she kept pushing me/my character to drastic measures that were preventing my from actually interacting with the rest of the crew or even learning what our goals were. For fuck sake I removed my character’s memories of their antagonist because they were nearing the point of saying fuck it and leaving the group just to escape this person.

Did the gm listen? No. Not only did they continue dragging my character’s antagonist into the plot, they kept using this npc to create drama and push the plot forwards in inorganic way.

If you have to use an npc as a plot device, then at least keep their characterization consistent. If story is the main focus of this campaign, it’s like watching the gm reach into the game and tell you directly: hey, hey, players, go here for plot. It breaks the immersion. If it happens on occasion, that’s fine it’s bound to happen eventually. But when it’s happening every session… oh boy is it extremely annoying and hits one of my biggest pet peeves in writing: seeing the hand of the author. There are a million ways to make a plot hook feel in congruence with the story and the world. If you need to take an npc out of character to make it happen, your players will notice.

Tldr. If you are running a long form campaign- use restraint. I promise you that holding back and waiting to push the big red buttons your players give you will be so much more rewarding for everyone if you wait. Don’t force the story. Let it breathe.

[undead-discourse]

Hey!! Are you a proshipper? Are you an anti? Please read this post, I want engagement from as many people of as many different opinions as possible!

I have a question that I made a temporary sideblog for because I’ve gotten completely different answers depending on who I ask this question (pro vs anti ship)

I fundamentally disagree with a lot of the “talking points” on either side, so I’m not really sure which camp I fit into (and the one I’m assigned usually changes to the opposite of whoever I’m talking to). So I thought it’d be really interesting to see what people have to say about this. I dunno, I like talking, and discussing media. Talk to me about media.

I’ve sorted these into two sections: opinions usually grouped with “proshippers” and opinions usually grouped with “antis.”

Proship Opinions:

Censorship is bad.

We should not censor the internet and banning legal content here is fruitless. It just doesn’t work, and it takes away efforts from restricting actually harmful content.

Harassment is also bad.

Even when the person being harassed is objectively disgusting and vile.

There is never any excuse to tell someone to kill themself. This feels so obvious, why are we even arguing this.

Restricting the content allowed on some sites (AO3) is kinda stupid.

FF.net and Wattpad are living examples of what happens when you restrict written content: it still gets in, but this time completely untagged and with no warning.

I hate AO3’s current policy and I don’t use the site because of that, but the alternative is so much worse, especially considering they can’t afford the extensive mod team that would require.

Just use the block button.

Getting all bent out of shape in someone’s askbox because of their content is completely pointless. You just exhaust yourself and waste your own energy thinking about this person when they definitely don’t give a fuck what you, some bitch on the internet, think of their content.

The easiest solution for your own wellbeing is just to block them and move on. Then you can never think about them again.

Fictional content is never the same as the real thing, and it’s insulting to survivors to insinuate it is.

No children are harmed by the creation of fictional content. Comparing it to real CP is a slap in the face to real survivors.

The concept of “problematic content” being bad by design is kinda dumb.

There are ways to handle anything in fiction tastefully. Your story can cover topics of sexual abuse, murder, exploitation, etc. without being “problematic.”

The reason for the content’s creation and posting greatly changes how it should be viewed and how the creator should be treated.

I’m reminded of Alfred’s Playhouse. It’s so obviously a cry for help, but everyone ignored it because of the gross and shocking subject matter shown. The creator is a disgusting person, but that is unrelated to her creation of Alfred’s Playhouse, a representation of her own real experiences.

It’s… So obvious to me when someone is suffering and using art to vent or call for help. These people aren’t the people we should be talking about when we discuss the handling of sensitive topics in fiction.

Anti Opinions:

The things you create/enjoy completely change the way I view you as a person, fundamentally.

I don’t think you can be a good person and enjoy thinking about fictional children being molested.

I cut people off if I find out they secretly enjoy this content.

Including ex-friends. It hurts and I feel betrayed, but I was not friends with, nor will I ever be friends with, someone who enjoys (whatever).

I think people deserve to know if one of their favorite artists is secretly into something reprehensible.

If a big artist I like had a secret twitter where they posted incest porn, I would be pissed if someone who knew didn’t tell me.

AO3 sucks.

Specifically because of their policy on RPF in reference to (underage) streamers. If someone requests that the NSFW content featuring them be deleted, AO3 should delete it. If someone goes to AO3 and requests they take down a specific fic about them, AO3 should delete it. But they didn’t, and they don’t. So I don’t use AO3.

“Problematic content” should be criticized when it is handled in offensive ways.

There are ways to handle topics such as child abuse, sexual exploitation, etc. tastefully and respectfully to victims, but when creators fail to do this, they deserve to have their treatment of the subject pointed out.

SEE MY ABOVE POINT ABOUT CREATORS WHO ARE SUFFERING, vent art does not fucking count and pointing out the way someone handles their own real experiences in their vent art makes you an asshole.

Proshipping as I’ve seen it looks like such an unhealthy coping mechanism.

To my knowledge, “shipping” means that you enjoy the dynamic between two (or more) characters, typically in a romantic or sexual way. Enjoying the romantic or sexual dynamic between a minor and an adult you headcanon to be grooming them is… So beyond fucked.

This is 100% not my business and I’m never gonna tell someone this, but it’s an opinion I personally hold that I’ve seen attached to antis before.

[mugentakeda]

mujin headcanons ?? or just samurai champloo headcanons in general,,

you have seriously no idea the kind of beast you have trifled with asking me this. most of these are specific and kinda complicated because im insane and put deep thought into everything abt samcham but some are just simple and silly. Lets begin

OK SO. i have deep reasoning for almost any of my headcanons because im a stickler for abiding by canon as much as i possibly can no matter how ridiculous the headcanon is. headcanons for ME personally esp with aus and stuff are like "how would this character act in this fucked up situation" rather than coming up with fanon bullshit based on absolutely nothing which just strips characters of their bare essentials which is stupid so yeah. im gonna get the big ones out of the way then get smaller as i go

-i use they/she/he for jin. my hc for their gender and sexuality is kinda hard to describe and idek if theres a label for it but i just phrase it as any gender and no gender at the same time. i think jin doesnt personally view their gender as anything specific and presents mostly neutrally and people just perceive them for what they choose to see. women like seeing jin as a handsome androgynous woman (like a bifauxnen). men like seeing jin as a beautiful man. vice versa. jin has no attachment to such things they just go with the flow and presentation doesnt mean anything profound for them personally other than like. an accessory or something???? idk. i like to see shino and jin as nblw because their story reminds me of something tragic lesbians would do. but tdlr no matter what gender you are being into jin is gay inherently -jin is a virgo, fuu is a libra, and mugen is a scorpio. common traits for virgos include loyalty, practicality, overly critical of self and others, dislikes rudeness and asking for help. they can be closed off and can be misunderstood by others due to this, but they have deep senses of humanity. traits for libras include social, gracious, desire for companionship, in a constant chase for justice and equality, a dislike for comformity and loudmouths. traits for scorpios include resourcefulness, passion, assertiveness, fearless, a dislike for dishonesty, small talk, superficiality. i originally based the specific dates (sept 4th for jin, oct 9th for fuu, and nov 3rd for mugen) based on the number of diamonds in jins mon, the number of letters in 'sunflower' for fuu (sunflower season ends in october!), and the 3 corners of the triangle on the back of mugens happi. EVERYTHING IS INTENTIONAL!!!!! -jin is actually left handed, but such a thing is forbidden for samurai, so jin had to force themself to use their right. you wouldnt know it at first glance but if you saw jins fancy kanji caligraphy using their left hand compared to their uniformed and almost robotically perfect handwriting with their right youd be able to tell what theyre truly most comfortable with -mugen and jin have to bicker about literally everything. like jin will say something and mugen sometimes will actually agree but he’ll say something purposefully contrarian and stupid just to get on jins nerves. it takes hard work to get an actual rise out of them but sometimes just the blank stare or the raised eyebrow is enough to make mugen cackle

-making clean kills is practiced for jin because the feeling of sticky blood and the stench makes them antsy. the night that they stumbled out into the dark after accidentally killing enshirou, itd been everywhere. soaking their clothes, under their nails, on their lips, in their eyelashes and hair. theyd thrown up and wailed hysterically like a wounded animal and then collapsed into an ice cold river to claw it off in panic and nearly drowned from the force of the river waves and the shock of the whole situation and then they just passed out on the bank from exhaustion and didnt wake up for 15 hours

-after the finale, mugen recovers (somehow) from his injuries after 2 weeks. however, this did not account for the chronic pain that sticks with him and worsens in the cold and rain. hed find later that jin, his perfect bird of a feather, gets debilitating migraines and back pain in the cold and rain. they can be in bed and in pain together

-jin doesnt force their meticulous and traditional routines onto mugen so theyll slink out of bed at the ass crack of dawn to do their weird praying and katas and meditation and mugen will sleep until past noon and he'll always complain about them letting him sleep the day away and theyll always just hum in response

-jin can NOT cook for shit but id like to think they work to improve as a way of remembering shino fondly. before meeting her they could brew a mean ass cup of tea and steamed rice. but that was literally it. but now they can make some simple things like clear mushroom soup and dumplings and they intend on expanding

-mugen is a closeted fine arts snob. he thought the shit was flowery and boring before but jin reads their favorite poems and epics to him and theyve furthered his education where sensei bundai left off so they do a lot of poetry writing as exercises. mugen likes haikus a lot. and he likes those weird noh theaters that jin loves. especially the vile ones with the drama and violence and cheating and death and betrayal. jin forces him to go to the romance ones too its just against his will those times

-jin will not let him hit until he has bathed. the first time he propositioned them they threw him in a huge hot bath like an animal and combed through every matted knot in his hair, scrubbed his back and behind his ears, carved the dirt out from under his yellow fingernails with a small knife, forced a wad of mint leaves in his mouth. jin plucks their eyebrows so maybe theyre kind of over the top about it but then mugen considers rinsing himself off in river water bathing so maybe theyre being perfectly reasonable

-they tell each other scar stories and random events that happened before they met each other. theres a lot of observing without words that they both do to get to know each other but they also do a lot of talking. it always happens at night when theyre both kind of tipsy on sake or wine because thats the only time jin feels loosened up enough to not clam up over memories

[traumxrei-archive]

【 book 6 thoughts ! (3) 】

back at it again ^^ had so much fun laughing bc rook and idia in this chunk of chapters jfksdjfs

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ spoilers from 6-36 till 6-42 below the cut ! ]

[ about : hunt family's villas ]

lowk sad that they didn't spend more time narrating rookepeyuu's travels together. i'm sure we would've gotten a lot of good banter between them ++ taking a look at the hunt family's villas *eyes emoji*

also. rook being a middle child.....thinking on that.... but also WHEW five siblings, and they call themselves a clan ?? when epel says "the more i learn, the more mysterious you become" i am seconding his words.

[ about : le chasseur d'amour ]

FUCK IM CRYISNFDJSHFJS— i love the way the whole base is scrambling bc !!! omg the base is under attack !!! how could this happen !! and idia pulls up the surveillance feeds and it's this blond frenchman zooming around on a broom introducing himself to the mf OCEAN— (also rook calling vil his "meiyuu" aka sworn friend cryinggggg and sobbingggg)

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER HIM DOING A WHOLE SELF INTRO FOR THE PPL THAT DON'T KNOW HIM !! and then idia n ortho's reactions are so funny for no reason jdfksjf (once again, idia tryna avoid violence and ordering to "secure" rook instead of "removing" him)

[ about : alas... ]

ok rook was the only person whose "defeat" was convincing. the way epel is so bad at acting...and not yuu saying alas of all things to signify their defeat sjkfdsf this is so funnyyy

[ about : rule of the island ]

"the rule of this island is to return the living back to where they came from, alive." that means that they don't intend to hurt people or kill people. and the only beings that are on the island are the staff and probably any phantoms they kept alive for experimentation.

[ about : saving vil's life ]

i'm having such a blast laughing at rook's antics this time sjkfjdf not idia letting them in bc "vil might have a life threatening illness that no one knows about" and "rook might have the medicine he needs" aND HE BRINGS OUT A BAG OF RETINOL AND VIT C SERUM PPPLEASEEEE

idia: y-you're really just giving him skincare ? not trying to help them escape ?

rook: that is right ! as the chasseur d'amour it is my duty to—

idia: it's clearly not worth risking your life over skin creams. like, ever.

[ about : ouchhh ]

ok idia did NOT have to say that about yuu— that just hurt to even read bc we know how yuu's been feeling about themself after all that's happened around them...

[ about : nice ride, idia ]

ok but. why does this

kinda remind me of the batmobile— no but seriously, it looks like something that we should be seeing in book 7 rather than rn,,,the wheels are made out of spinning wheels, and it's in. the shape of a bat/dragon with two horns and red eyes....

[ about : ortho and phantoms ]

ortho....did you just say there's a "bunch of phantoms" under the pillar ???? you mean there's multiple phantoms down there that STYX has frozen. and...the more pressing issue...what does he mean "you wouldn't want to end up like me" ? the whole time he was talking about the phantoms, he was...talking in this very quiet and melancholic tone.... (did ortho get hurt badly by the phantoms ? is that why he's basically a robot now ?)

[ about : direbeast grim !! ]

so. grim is a species called direbeast with a high blot density? or they said he's a mix between direbeast n something else and to me, that reeks of experimentation...but who would do such a thing ? and his blot accumulation spikes and drops unexpectedly....maybe as a direbeast, grim is able to turn blot into a magical energy source ?

and there's traces of a...powerful spell on him ? the fire in his ears being blue isn't just a cute and silly thing and it's signs of a curse ? omg. wait do you think that grim is actually some sort of beast from thousands of years ago that got put to sleep by a powerful spell, and he just woke up now ? all this grim lore makes me wanna know more abt where he came from...

[ about : shroud family curse ]

so their curse is that blot gets incinerated the moment it accumulates within them. so the ancient shrouds led a revolt against the jupiter family using the original phantoms (whatever that means) and thus got cursed + banished to the island of woe. they manage tartarus (phantom prison) and the underworld (phantom graveyard). and they're doing blot research in order to get rid of the phantoms so that they can regain their freedom....wow.

and if they don't have any blot. the curse goes straight to eating up their magic, so they constantly need to be using magic to even live. oh my god. the reason why they gave them that job is bc the phantoms will continue to leak blot into the world even after they're dead. so jupiter family put that curse on the shrouds with every intent of making them like a sponge that can "purify" any blot that escapes. bc if not it'll start affecting the world.

so that's why they're doing blot research :00 !! they're trying to figure out a way to neutralize or reutilize blot bc. the shrouds want to escape. they don't want to keep living in the island of woe, which is why they want to turn the phantoms into an energy source. it would bring them back the honor they had once lost + they don't have to keep living at the island of woe to keep the phantoms in check.

[ about : another ortho ]

okay so. i noticed this before. but ortho was talking about himself in third person in one of the chapters. like "what can ortho do for him" instead of using his usual personal pronoun of "boku". and then idia mentioned "what happened ot ortho when we tried to leave this place". so...i'm assuming that there's two orthos, and that one of them is dead ? or something happened to him ? meanwhile the ortho we know rn also knows about this other ortho, and sees him as an extension, but not entirely, himself. (also take note this is all speculation i do not know if im right or wrong)

okayy we're stopping here for tonight ! when i tell you i laughed so much for this chunk of chapters, i mean it jskfjskf it was a nice contrast from last time, since last time was more tense + sad moments... until next timee

[bonesandthebees]

BEEEEEEEEEEE I just read the new chapter of through a glass divine!! I've been reading quietly for a while and I read the "original version" when you first posted it. this fic is definitely my favorite right now I can't stop thinking about it LOL but I just want to talk about the new chapter

I really want to know more about the deathling laws, since "choosing" how another deathling will die is a breach of it. to me it's really just a reminder of how tommy sees the good in everyone and wants to help people. he assumed that jack would understand, he assumed that jack would want to be helped, and there's obviously the part of him that loves jack as a friend and didn't want to see him die. it's just so painful, he was put in such an impossible situation that it makes me wonder how techno and phil let him go on runs at all. part of me believes that tommy would worm his way out anyway, but is there really no one else to do runs? no one older?

also tommy almost suffocated to death. again. I'm not sure how the timeline works but I have to assume that it hasn't been a crazy amount of time since the first incident. regardless of that though, sam didn't "enhance" his lungs at all. something something three strikes and you're out something something checkovs gun cough cough

jack "he tried to kill me" vs tommy "I tried to save him" is going to be CRAZYYYYY in the next few chapters. I'm very excited to see where you go with this <33

SNAIL!!! I had no clue you were reading glass divine but I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far!!

right now in my head, the Deathling laws aren't really a strict set of rules per se, but just some guiding points the Deathlings follow. one of the most important ones is that a Deathlings relationship with Lady Death is their own. no one else can define it for them, no one else can demand to know what another Deathlings relationship with Kristin is like unless the Deathling offers the information willingly. this also translates into 'death is a Deathling's personal choice'. while any kind of suicide is usually discouraged by the Deathlings because Kristin is supposed to be the one who decides when they die, they also operate under the logic that if a Deathling kills themself that's what Kristin already had planned for them (it's very hazy in a lot of areas because a lot of religious guidelines irl are not clear cut). and when it comes to situations like what Tommy and Jack were in, suicide could be seen as a valid option. if they had each made the choice themselves. but the thing was, again, Tommy decided that for Jack. He decided it was both his and Jack's time to meet Kristin, even though Jack was supposed to be the one to decide that for himself. does that make sense?

but yes, tommy was trying to help. he was terrified and acting on impulse, but he still took away a core part of their shared religious practice from jack.

also, technically yeah other people could go on runs. but even though he's young, tommy is also one of the most 'veteran' Deathlings in the temple besides Phil and Techno. he was one of the first to join this new group so he's been there the longest besides the leaders, even if he was only ~10ish at the time. of course he wasn't going out on runs at 10 years old, but he's had the most training and guidance from Phil and Techno and he started sneaking out to try and do runs on his own when he was about 15, so eventually they had to give in and let him go on runs so they could at least have someone with him.

it's flawed logic on Phil and Techno's end for sure, but as I'm sure most people know with my stories at this point, I don't write about people making the right choices. Phil and Techno know Tommy's young, but they also view him as one of the most experienced. that's why he's their best option for a runner. but now with this whole mess, the consequences of the things they've taught Tommy as he's grown up and the lifestyle they've put him into are starting to crop up.

oh also regarding Tommy's lungs, Sam said it was going to take him a while to get the supplies to upgrade Tommy's lungs. He fixed a few minor issues, but the upgrade hasn't happened yet because he's gotta build a whole new pair of lungs pretty much and that takes a long time.

again so glad to hear you're enjoying!!

[person4924]

i'd LOVE to hear explanations to why you assigned which folklore song to which character (not that i need to be convinced that u're right, i already know it, but i love hearing people's opinions about taylor swift songs and their connections to fictional characters)

Yes! i would love to explain (this is going to be really long)

this is me trying - remus lupin

i feel like this could be any one of them, but mostly remus. "i've been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels, now their rusting" in my head, when he first came to hogwarts he still had hope and was excited, because he was magical and he still had a lot of energy to do his work, but then eventually he got burnt out and the prank happened and everything came crashing down. "and my words shoot to kill when im mad, i have a lot of regrets about that" i hc that he has anger issues, and would blow up on his friends a lot and obviously that would be triggering to sirius, so he would have a lot of regrets and self-hatred because of it. "i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. i fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here" again with the hc he was ahead of his class for so long and then he eventually fell back and lost hope after the prank "its hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you. your a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town." i feel like this could be after the prank or after sirius gets put in azkaban. with the azkaban its hard because everyone hates sirius black, "they were a deatheater, who betrayed their best friends" so it would be hard when remus knows that sirius is innocent. and i think that one winter sirius stayed with remus and his mom in remus's hometown and they went to the movies, so it brings back up memories from that winter. there are also more lyrics that remind me of him but those are just the big 4.

mirrorball - james and pandora

"i know they said the end is near but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes spinning in my highest love, shining just for you." i think that during the war, dora and james were really stressed out and scared, but they felt like they had to stay calm and collected and be the one everyone could count on and they still had to be perfect for everyone and their partners. "i can change everything about me to fit in" i think that both of them are masters at masking, panda can change everything about themself (and did) to try and fit it, same with jams, they both had to mask so much and all they wanted was to fit in and be loved "im still a believer but i don't know why. ive never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try." i think this one kind of explains itself, but james and dora both always believed that everything would end up okay, it would all work out in the end, for them and their friends, and they both always did, no matter what. even when it was so clear it wouldn't end up okay, they still believed. and the natural part also goes back to the masking and how they've both never been naturals at anything and had to try really hard for everything people thought of when they thought about them. someone thought they were smart and grades came easily to them? no, not at all, they had to try so hard for all of it.

my tears ricochet - reggie (it said dora too but ive decided its more reggie than dora (its still very dora tho too))

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. And you're the hero flying around, saving face. And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?" he didnt have it in him to die as a deatheater, following voldemorts orders (with grace), he didnt have it in him. and the other 2 lines are him talking to sirius. saying 'youll be known as the hero and i'll always be the villain. if you hate me, why are you standing at my grave?' because once sirius saw that reggie got the mark they said they hated him and they didnt see him as a brother anymore (they were lying) "and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, but just not home." i think this one is kinda self explanatory "And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) (1) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies) (2)" 1: once siri found out that reg had gotten the mark, they said they hated reg and didnt see him as a brother (they were lying) but of course they stopped talking to reg, so reg would stay up at the astronomy tower and talk to the sirius star as if it was his sibling (and before he went into the cave) 2: i hc that when ever their parents would curse siri or lock them in the basement, etc. then reggie would find them after once they went back to their room and would sing siri to sleep "you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. cursing my name, wishing i stayed. you turned into your worst fears" um this is also reggie to siri, basically saying 'you had to kill me (by not helping me), but it killed you all the same (the guilt of not being able to help reggie, kill them).' you turned into your worst fears: when siri was in azkaban they convinced themselves that they did do it, it was easier that way, and in turn they turned into their worst fears, their parents, someone who lied and hurt people, a horrible person.

hoax - regulus black

"Screaming, "Give me a reason" (1). Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in the world would do (2)" 1: james was the only person regulus confided in with his plans with the cave and james told him "no. your not doing that no. theres other ways, you can join the order, you can do anything. no." getting more and more desperate. regulus screamed "give me a reason! give me a reason i can't james, there isn't one, this is the only way i can help" 2: regulus didn't believe in love, but james love was the only hoax he believed in, he didn't think true love existed, but james's was the closest one could get to true love "you know the hero died, so whats the movie for? (1) you knew it still hurt under my scars, from when they pulled me apart. you knew the password, so i let you in the door. (2)" 1: when james died, he was the hero in reg's eyes 2: 'you knew the password, so i let you in the door' when reg first met james it was first year and they got introduced by siri on the train, and as a defense mechanism he would be mean and rude to everyone he met and so he was to james, but james being the nicest person in the world saw straight through him ("they see right through me, can you see right through me? i see right through me") and so he consistently talked to reg and he "knew the password to the door" and the door symbolizes reg's defense mechanisms and emotional barriers, so he let james thru them

invisible string - lilydora

"and isnt it just so pretty to think, that all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me?" it's basically canon that dora is incredibly romantic, and would always find rocks they think lily would like and give them to her and would definitely have said this to lily at least once, when they were playing with her hair in bed "gold was the color of the leaves when i showed you around centennial park" during the summers the entire group would go on camping trips to cornwall and during one of the camping trips just them two would goto a park and walk through and people watch. also just this entire song is about them but i just chose the two that are easiest to explain

the 1 - marylene

so first i hc that marylene dated in like 3rd or 4th year. and that marlene liked mary first from 2nd year thru 3rd year, but eventually accepted nothing was going to happen but then towards the end of 3rd year, mary started to like marlene too (once marlene was over her) and then one drunken night at truth or dare it was revealed that they both liked eachother (marlene being liked and mary being like) and so they decided to try and date, but it didnt work out and they broke up, and eventually moving on to their respective partners. so it was like right person, wrong time, which is what i think this song is about "but we were something, dont you think so?" i think that mary probably said something like this to marlene at some point, once they were both in other relationships and they were talking about when they dated saying like 'we were something weren't we? too bad it didn't work out' "but it would've been fun, if you wouldve been the one." this is more something that went unspoken between the two, 'it would've been fun if you would've been the one, your my best friend, why couldn't we have been more?'

cardigan - wolfstar

i feel like this has been widely accepted as the wolfstar song "vintage tee, brand new phone (remus) // sequin smile, black lipstick (sirius)" "And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite" basically remus felt unloved and whenever he would, sirius would tell him hes loved and would make him feel loved. "But I knew you, playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends" the one winter break when they both stayed at hogwarts for it and they would play hide in seek around the castle. "you drew stars around my scars" THIS ONE. this one is so widely talked about, sirius drew stars around remus's scars. figuratively and literally. BUT with that being said, sirius has scars too. i think that once when sirius was bored they drew stars around moony's scars and it became a thing for them, whenever one of them was feeling insecure or anything, they would draw stars around eachothers scars. "cause i knew you stepping on the last train." the last time they got on the train to go home from hogwarts, they knew eachother, more than they would've expected when they got on the first train to go to hogwarts in first year. "The smell of smoke would hang around this long (1). 'Cause I knew everything when I was young. I knew I'd curse you for the longest time (2)." 1: i think that one time siri gave remus their (leather) jacket becaue remus was cold, and from then on remus just kept it, forever. and no matter what rem did to it, it would always smell of cigarettes, even when sirius was dead. 2: remus knew everything when he was young, he knew he'd love siri till the day he died, and he would always curse sirius for that, why did he have to love them? no matter what, he would always love sirius black, and he would always curse them for it.

the last great american dynasty - marlene mckinnon (ik it said lily but i changed my mind)

"they say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea" thinking about regulus (that was my attempt at a joke) "and in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and died him keylime green" this is the most marlene thing ever "there goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen, i had a marvelous time ruining everything" marlene was the louded, most opinionated person anyone knew, and they had a marvelous time ruining everything.

exile - jegulus

"so step right out, there is no amount of crying i can do for you" whenever reggie would open up to james, he would cry himself to sleep. "i never learned to read your mind (you never learned to read my mind). i couldn't turn things around (you couldn't turn things around) cause you never gave me a warning sign (i gave so many signs)" james is bon iver in this and reggie is taylor (the parenthesis). as close as james got, he could never read reg's mind, he could never fully see throught the mask he put up. and as hard as james tried to stop reg from going in the cave, to turn him around, he couldn't. and as many times reg tried to talk to james, to give him a sign, james never thought he was serious (sirius), he thought he'd changed reg's mind. he hadn't.

seven - sirius black

"and thought i can't recall your face, i still got love for you." once sirius got put in azkaban, faces started to get blurry. they remembered people who they loved with everything but they couldn't remember their voices or faces, just blurry memories of laughter and happiness. "and ive been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted. your dad is always mad and that must be why. and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, and then you wont have to cry or hide in the closet." james 100% said this to sirius at some point in 1st or 2nd year, when james was still innocent and didn't know what was really going on. the closet part could be taken literally like how sirius would hide in the closet and try to get away from their parents, or it could be taken as they had to go in the closet and hide their gender and sexuality from their parents.

august - just the marauders era in general, or it could apply to any of the ships

"but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time." with the hc that they went to cornwall every summer starting in 4th year, they would go in august. and they would always look back on those memories. "back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me it was enough. to live for the hope of it all." back when they were still young and hopeful and just living for the fun of it, not worried about wars or death, just being kids. and this entire song just gives cornwall vibes, and shoutout to grant chapman also.

illicit affairs - jegulus

"Make sure nobody sees you leave. Hood over your head, keep your eyes down, tell your friends you're out for a run. You'll be flushed when you return." SECRET JEGULUS SECRET JEGULUS!! james would do this like twice or 3 times a week and say he was out for a run for quidditch "you showed me colors i couldn't see with anyone else" james showed regulus hope and love, two things he's never seen before (except from sirius, but its different). "look at this idiotic fool you made me. you taught be a secret language, i can't speak with anyone else." regulus never really knew how to express love, until james, he would always express it in the little things, and james knew that so they kinda developed their own love language "and you know damn well for you, i would ruin myself a million little times." i dont have much reasoning for this, it just gives jegulus vibes idk

mad woman - all the girls

in my head, all of the girls (girls just meaning like dorcas, marlene, mary, pandora, emmeline and lily, so using it loosely since not all of them are girls but i couldn't think of another word) were all very angry, like they just had anger seeped into their bones, because of all the discrimination and pressure and expectations put on them, just like how i believe all AFABs are build with pain and sadness built into their bones. so i just think every lyric of this song describes that pain and anger they all have.

epiphany - the war

"keep your helmet, keep your life son. just a flesh wound, here's your rifle" i feel like this is kinda like dumbledores attitude towards everyone in dumbledores in his army thing. like basically saying 'oh thats not that bad of a wound (their trauma and nervousness towards the war) and then handing them a gun (or wand in their case) and telling them to fight. "'doc i think shes crashing out' and some things you just can't speak about." i feel like this is how a lot of them felt as they watched all their friends die, when they find their body on the battlefield, or the hc that sirius found james and lily dead on the floor, some things you just can't talk about. "only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some kind of epiphany. just one single glimpse of relief, to make sense of what you've seen." i like to think that when one of them died they would all meet up as ghosts or wtv and become ghosts at hogwarts and play pranks for eternity (its canon stfu) and they would visit whoever else was still alive in their dreams and they would visit mary every night (once she obliviated herself) and she would think it was so weird how these people (who seemed familiar) kept coming to her in her dreams.

betty - wolfstar/the prank

"the worst thing i ever did was what i did to you" this is the only thing sirius could think to say to remus other than im sorry "i'm only 17 i don't know anything, but i know i miss you" even though sirius knew this was the worst thing they could've ever done to remus, they missed him like hell. and even though remus wanted to and tried so hard to hate sirius, he never could. "the only thing i want to do is make it up to you" sirius tried so hard to make it up to remus in every possible way, saying their sorry, letting him yell at them, doing all remus's homework, they were willing to let remus hit them, anything.

peace - dorlene

"I never had the courage of my convictions. As long as danger is near, and it's just around the corner, darling. Cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace" marlene could never give dorcas peace, they couldn't ever be still, could never stay in one place, have a family, they just couldn't, they would never be able to give dorcas peace, but dorcas loved them anyway. "And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences, Sit with you in the trenches, Give you my wild, give you a child" dorcas wasn't a violent person, they liked to keep peace and be nice to everyone, unless there was a reason not to. but they would do anything for marlene. anything. give them a family, throw as many swings as possible, anything. "family that i chose, now that i see your brother as my brother" marlene's family were a bunch of shitholes, so they found their own family, dorcas's. dorcas's mom was their mom, their brother was their brother.

omg thats it (this totally didnt take me 3 days)! it was fun to write though, thank you so much for asking

[the-priestess-of-dawn]

Since I've been thinking about fe12 recently naturally I started thinking about my favorite fe12 character Katarina (she's like... my 4th favorite for fe overall, but since Grima/Robin and Chrom are number 1 and 2 and SO far ahead of everyone else that it's kind of unfair, she's basically second place when it comes to characters who have NOT infected me with constant and irremediable brainrot).

Specifically I'm thinking about how the scene she has with Marth when she joins and how if she had her way she would have had Marth execute her, but...

"You're just running from your sins." MARTH GO OFF!!!

"If you truly regret what you've done, then live. I want you to atone with your life, not your death." YES MARTH DESTROY THE REDEMPTION IN DEATH TROPE!!!

Look, Marth might not be my most beloved fe protagonist of all time, but he gets MAJOR points for this conversation ALONE. And honestly it is all the more tragic how his descendants get so caught up in the cycle of violence and vengeance when Marth already understood that justice does not mean killing everyone who has done you wrong. Oh BOY did the exalted line ever lose the plot there.

I know Lucina is the one who gets compared to Marth most, and Tiki even says that Chrom is more similar to one of Marth's ancestors than Marth himself, but honestly Chrom's "You are yourself, before you are any man's son/daughter." really does echo "You will think for yourself and find your own answer." I think Marth would be really proud of him for that response to finding out his best friend is the child of someone who came to assassinate his sister.

And, haha, speaking of Grima brainrot...

I REALLY WISH CHROM HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ROBIN, YOU KNOW???

Ugh, Robin my beloved. I want to freeze time, like, right here

Okay, not necessarily here. This is... fair enough for a heroic sacrifice...

Uh-huh, this tracks...

There! Can we freeze right there? Robin what the FUCK are you saying? These two lines why I can never be at peace with the sacrifice ending no matter how you frame the narrative. "It's only right" that Robin dies with Grima??? No. No!

See, if it weren't for that specific line, we could just accept that Robin is doing something they don't really want to do and that they know will hurt people because they truly believe it's the only way to truly protect the future, but... no. When they say "It's only right we meet our end together." it becomes something else. Is this REALLY the only way to protect the people of the future (Chrom doesn't think it is. The rest of the Shepherds don't think it is either, which you can see from their lines if you choose to let Chrom land the final blow) or are you just trying to run from your past life, Robin? To escape the weight of what you've done and what you see now that you're capable of doing all over again? Is there anything heroic or even "sacrificial" if saving the world is just the convenient excuse for getting rid of yourself?

Chrom would agree with Marth's feelings. He would say "If you truly regret what you've done, then live." But he CAN'T because Robin did not reveal this extremely distressing line of thinking until the absolute last second before landing the final blow on Grima and ensuring their own death. Of course Chrom would never speak a word against Robin after that. Frankly, I think he was kind of robbed. (And kind of on purpose... When you think about it, is there really THAT much difference between Grima trying to make Robin look like a tragic hero by offering that yes/no choice to submit to them vs Robin becoming a tragic hero by "sacrificing" themself at the end of a grand final battle?)

Anyway, I would absolutely love to see a Robin/Katarina harmonic in FEH someday... I think if that ever happened, Katarina would probably say something about Robin reminding her of Kris (because Avatars) but really, Robin is so much like her that I'd just love to see them talk to each other about literally anything.

(Also, on a slightly tangential note... I know that in canon, Robin strikes Chrom with Thoron at the Dragon's Table, but I feel like as a fandom we are really missing out by not taking some artistic liberties and making it Katarina's Bolt instead. I mean. The SYMBOLISM. Especially when it comes to good timeline Robin, who might think to bring that tome to the Dragon's Table instead of Thoron because it has lower might.)

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 2 replay, exploring:

-As others have mentioned, the N7 missions in ME2 are a mixed bag.

They have more variety than ME1 assignments, but frequently do little to nothing to contribute to the story, world building, or even character development. Most of them are just a change of gameplay. By comparison, ME1 assignments normally tied into the over arching plot or side plots in some fashion.

Still, I’ll do them for completeness. And experience.

Ploitari

-MSV Estevanico – This is such a ridiculous mission. Yes, let’s send the first human spectre to explore a wrecked ship balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff.

Just, why? What is the point of this mission? Shepard can’t send an email to Anderson to check out this wreck? Cerberus doesn’t have any salvage crews? Hell, there’s no Cerberus personnel on the Normandy they can send? Why does Shepard have to go? How about I send someone small and light on their feet, like Kasumi?

-The planet is also disappointing. A skybox like Earth, a world like Earth. C’mon, if you’re going to have me explore a teetering ship at least get a bit creative with the background.

Normandy

-There’s a quick bit of autodialogue when speaking to Jack. Very minor, but this is making me aware of how much more there is in ME2 than ME1.

-Jack reminds me a lot of Aria: Bioware really wanted them both to come across as tough and powerful, but it feels like they’re trying too hard.

-With everything Jack’s done and claims to believe, it’s still baffling she’s sticking around. You’d expect her to bail first time the Normandy lands on Omega or the Citadel. More likely Omega.

Yes, she obviously wants friends and a place to belong. But what has Shepard done to make themself worthy of Jack’s trust so far, however slight?

Obviously it’s needed for the plot, but I wish Bioware had provided a better reason.

-Of course the first thing Grunt feels is hatred of turians.

Grunt: I get it. I hate turians. I thought you’d be glad.

Well, it’s better than nothing I suppose.

-What’s interesting is his logic. He doesn’t hate them because of Okeer or because they’re turian. He hates them because of what turians have done.

Can’t say I agree with the logic of hating an entire species of past actions, but at least it’s not inherent xenophobia.

-Also find interesting his innate conviction that revenge is necessary. Turians killed Shiagur, so krogans to had to response with an equal or worse action.

And conveniently, once again, the fact that krogans dropped asteroids on turian colonies isn’t mentioned. I suppose only krogans are permitted to respond to violence with violence, not vice versa. Unless the turians dropping an asteroid on Canrum would have been acceptable?

Regardless, the cycle of violence in krogan life is highlighted here. If every act of violence must be met with an equal or greater act, there’s no ability to deescalate. Everyone just keeps pummeling each other until only one party is left standing.

That doesn’t lend itself to playing with in a multi species civilization.

Faryar

-Eclipse Smuggling Depot – On insanity this is ridiculous. I did the trick of luring the mechs one at a time to the shuttle, and ran out of ammo on the third. Had to keep circling around the shuttle and spam reave. Did manage to save all the boxes at least.

-Once again, disappointing environment. Earth like skybox and world. Bioware, if you’re going to the trouble of making each mission unique please make them look like I’m on an alien world.

Normandy

-Jack’s life is just one tragedy after another, and I can’t tell how much of it is her fault.

Presumably some of it is – what are the odds of having that many things go wrong without some of it being your own responsibility? - but going strictly by what she says she seems to just have the worst luck.

Any time anything slightly good happens it immediately blows up in her face.

-Still, it’s very obvious that she wants people to care. She’s screaming for it – multiple times in her talks she leaves openings for Shepard to ask for more information.

She tells you about her tattoos. Some of them are things she’s lost, but they’re not your business. It’s better to be lonely than to let someone get close enough to hurt her. She does the smart thing when people fuck with her, even if it means killing her friends. You should remember that.

If Jacob is a feral cat that won’t let you get too close, Jack is the cat that ran into your house, hid under your bed, creeps out at night to eat the feed you leave out, and hisses at you when you shine a flashlight on her to check if she’s all right.

Amun

-The storytelling here is very well done. You could easily miss this entire system, but the planet descriptions tell a fascinating story.

Essentially, to stay competitive with batarian slavery Anhur abolished the minimum wage. This led to a civil war over whether or not slavery would be permitted. The abolitionists won by hiring Eclipse mercenaries. Slaves during the war still got fucked over by working in camps without mass effect fields to maintain gravity; the resulting bone loss meant they’d be crippled on standard gravity worlds.

-Some of it does strain credibility, however. I don’t think abolishing the minimum wage would immediately result in the reinstutition of slavery.

But it does raise interesting questions of how a galactic economy where slavery is the norm for one power would work. There absolutely would be pressure on the other powers to adopt it if it was required to stay competitive, and many of the less scrupulous among them would consider it.

-Wrecked Merchant Freighter – Finally, an alien world! The orange tendrils moving around in the skybox are very pretty.

-Also, a mission where vanguard is actually useful. There were a couple of close calls, but I managed to charge out without needing to fight.

Magus

-Fleet – The Blood Pack use this planet as a vorcha training and breeding ground.

“Breeding” vorcha has come up a few times – mostly on Omega, as one of its broadcasts – and each time it makes me angry. Vorcha might be short lived, but they’re still sentient. They shouldn’t be bred and trained like you would dogs.

And the depressing bit is these training and breeding programs might be better than being exterminated as vermin like they are on Omega.

Just… The Vorcha really got fucked over by their biology, and they deserve better than the treatment they receive.

Strano

-Jarrahe Station – Argh. I hate the breathing masks some squad members get instead of proper helmets in ME2. Both Miranda and Kasumi get them, so this will be a continuous annoyance on this playthrough.

-Normandy is visible through the windows. Nice touch.

-The station VI provides some dark humor through this mission.

In the Living Quarters, it advises intruders to engage in self destruct procedures to avoid death by starvation.

So sweet of it to care.

-I have no idea how enabling doors in the Living Quarters works. I just keep pressing the computers until they’re all enabled.

-Why are there windows smashed all over? How did all these people die?

Most of them are lying in puddles of blood, something killed them.

I presume security mechs killed them and shot open the windows. However, if so where are the mechs? Why doesn’t the station VI send them after Shepard?

-The station VI attempted to upload itself to the Normand (well, docked vessel – maybe a shuttle?) just before you shut it down. I suppose that’s to show how the virus is spreading?